I’m an emotional eater. What can I say I’m a mom. So here’s the deal…
I sat in the stands at my son’s football game. During the first 10 minutes I decided to inhale a package of peanut M&M’s (very much NOT on the approved foods list) and then plow through a very fresh red rope licorice….now let’s be honest. I didn’t just plow through this red rope – I anilated it! Really?! Tonight is the night I choose to lose my mind?
Things really got serious after half time. Harry, (my belly), decided to start flopping around and getting irritated and my husband and I were forced to leave early so I could make a beeline for my bathroom.
As my husband is pushing the gas pedal to the floor and eyeballing me out of the corner of his eye, I sat shotgun in our Denali saying my prayers, and visualizing my husband pulling into the driveway in the nick of time. We went flying through the neighborhood and as I expected…my husband went zooming into our driveway and he sprinted across the lawn to open the front door for me. I came running around the car, jumped over the cat, and slide sideways as I lurched into the bathroom.
These are the “normal days” when you coexist with gastroparesis.
Now, in the past, this would have ruined my day. I would have been embarrassed and I would have let the sickness take over the rest of my night.
Instead, I dealt with the problem, came out of the restroom 20 minutes later feeling horribly sick, but knowing this horrible feeling would pass in the next few hours.
Often times we have to force ourselves to change our focus. When we are feeling sick, often all we can focus on is how sick we feel – and we doom ourselves into feeling worse and worse. We keep telling ourselves how sick we are….and our bodies keep giving us exactly what we are telling ourselves.
I fight the urge to get frustrated, and I head in to join my family who had ordered a pizza. I haven’t had a pizza with cheese on it in over 3 years.
Dairy is a trigger for my GP, and I avoid it like funerals – usually. Tonight though, I’m freaking weak. The pizza smells so good wafting through the kitchen and I want a bite. I mean I REALLY want a bite!! I already feel like crap, and just know one single solitary bite of this pizza is going to make my mouth feel better than it’s felt in years!
I see my husband walking into the family room with a second helping of pizza. I take a direct line and meet him halfway to his chair. I was suddenly on a mission to seek and destroy. Leaping on his plate as he’s carrying it I pluck it away from his grasp and I take a HUGE WHOPPING bite of that glorious pizza.
That’s really the only way to describe it.
Delicious, gooey cheese covered in ham and sausage…my heart stopped right there in the family room and just let my mouth devour the yummy, greasy, cheesy goodness! It was the best thing that has been in my mouth in years!!
Now, the possibility of me paying for this is high.
The possibility of Harry having an issue with my recklessness, is pretty much a given. Yet, I hold out hope that once in a while, I might be able to break the rules. Once in awhile, sacrificing some “potential sickness” is totally worth that one amazing bite of pizza.
Now, I must remind myself…a couple years ago, one bite of pizza would have sent me to the hospital. One bite of pizza would have ruined a whole week of my life – but not today! Today, one bite of pizza means a night of dealing with normal gastroparesis, and to me, since I’ve already brought on the “sickies” from my crazy emotional eating episode at the football game – well, the risk is totally worth it, and that bite…oh yeah, , that cheesy bite was …total and complete ecstasy.
There’s a lot to be grateful for.
Gastroparesis is very much “at play” in my life, but it does not define who I am. My attitude, belief systems, and my perspective define who I am.
Remember, we feel what we constantly tell ourselves. So, watch what you say, your belly is always listening.
Gastroparesis Inpirational Speaker